


Ineffable

by woahimi



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Idk just an alt ending I suppose, M/M, The apocalypse that was, they done fucked up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 04:17:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19349332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woahimi/pseuds/woahimi
Summary: They were all too late - Adam had come into his full power and descended 10 million angels and demons among the rubble of the earth for the final battle.The plans, however, are ineffable.





	Ineffable

Lord Beelzebub raised an eyebrow, her weapon of choice - a sword - held to his chin. “Well, it seems the battle must commence one way or another...” 

Gabriel stepped forward next to her, materialising a beautifully carved golden bow and a quiver armed with arrows along his back. He whipped one of the arrows out and shot just above his head, scraping his fluffy hair by mere inches. “I do agree with you - what better a way to start the final battle by disposing of the traitors.”

Crowley gulped and Aziraphale tilted his head in confusion. They sat by one another’s side, kneeling to their fates. The earth trembled as Adam shook the rumble of the army base.

“Get on with it. Finally cleanse this puny planet,” he screeched, his voice deep and scratchy. Even Gabriel faltered at his immense power, his bow strings quivering in shock. 

“Yes-yes your all mighty!” exclaimed Beelzebub, pressing her sword against Crowley’s throat as to give him a taster of the pain he would be put through.

They exchanged glances and smiled. “Any last words?” asked the angel, reloading his bow.

The two angels... or perhaps demons, also exchanged hopeful glances then stared to Adam who floated ominously above them. On each of his sides, trapped in bubbles of pure despair, held his friends. Their mouths removed, tears streamed their faces red as they pounded against their impenetrable prisons. Stamped over the bubbles were their destinations: America, Europe, Asia, Australia. 

The rubble smouldered and crumbled as the world for once, fell silent. At least, for Tadfield it did - for the four horsemen of the apocalypse were reducing the rest of the globe to ashes as they were held at a standstill. 

“Yes actually...” began Aziraphale, placing his hands on his lap then staring at the archangel with joy. 

“It’s time to watch you all burn,” Crowley finished with a smirk. 

“Right right whatever... the demon Crowley has been sentenced to death by holy water covered sword blah blah blah,” Beelzebub said, whipping the sword away from them both and allowing the angel Michael to cover it in the holiest water.

“And the angel Aziraphale has been sentenced death by eternal flame pierced arrow,” added Gabriel excitedly, throwing his arrow out to be set aflame by Hastur before rearming it.

“Let the battle commence!” Adam exclaimed with a wicked smile that pierced the air in two. The armies of both sides readied their weapons as both traitors were pierced through the throats. Before another word could be uttered, their eyes drifted to one another in their final moments before they collapsed beside one another. 

Their hands clasped tightly. 

The angel and demon flared down at the bodies as time came to a standstill. The armies did not move. Adam did not even shudder. 

“Oh fuck me,” mumbled Gabriel, as their surroundings were covered by a sheet of paper. 

“What-what in Heaven is going on?” she demanded as their weapons disappeared with their battlefield. 

“Hah...” he mumbled, “We are totally fucked.”

Beelzebub waved her hands exasperatedly as the other began to pace the whiteness. He would stop at moments in an attempt to materialise something but his powers had been cut off. The only thing he managed was a pair of the ridiculous shades Crowley would often wear. He held them with confusion covering his face before handing them to the demon.

“She’s coming; you will need these.” 

Beelzebub took them and put them on, the bright whiteness surrounding them being swallowed into the usual hues of hell. Then it hit her as well, and she could only manage to catch her balance as a great whiteness descended from the heavens. 

The archangel bowed, not raising his head until the brightness had died down, and in a daze, the demon followed. 

“God...” he smiled, raising his head and pulling on his collar as though it was choking him. 

The booming voice of God herself cut the air thinner than Adam could have ever hoped to down on earth. So much so that both angel and demon fell to their knees, weakened by the one phrase. “I entrusted you the secrets of my plan.”

“Yes-yes ma’am...” stuttered the archangel, attempting to raise his head with no success.

“And you use it to kill an innocent demon?”

They fell still before Beelzebub managed a mumble that echoed around the nothingness surrounding them. “Demon?”

She scoffed, and with a click, they were returned to the scene. Hovering above their earthly bodies they watched time was slowed - their own voices warped as Aziraphale and Crowley began to switch faces by the simple touch of a finger. With another click, they were dropped back into the white nothingness once more.

“Why does it matter... my Lord? They were traitors.”

“You, Archangel Gabriel, are the real traitor. Aziraphale was merely on-seeing my plans, whilst you used them to cause another pathetic war,” said God, her tone almost sarcastic yet monotone. “He spent six thousand years looking after my finest creation only for it to be reduced to rubble in half of its span due to you?”

The crushing weight of her words choked the angel, leaving him grasping as his neck for breath as Beelzebub watched on in horror.

“As for you... Lord Beelzebub,” she began, her attention turning to her. She could already feel her power begin to fall upon her shoulders. “You have killed an innocent angel. Crowley was also a guardian amongst earth; peace cannot come without evil nor can evil come without peace.”

“You both have disobeyed my orders beyond believe. It is almost... ineffable.”

Gabriel stifled a chuckle through wheezing breaths. “Now what?” he croaked.

“You will be forced to begin your life cycles again. Until the day you can be trusted, you will be sent back upon earth as humans.”

“No- please anything but mortality!” pleaded Beelzebub.

“You are too fair gone. I may be foregoing but in cases of yours, there will be no exceptions.”

Within another snap, before either former angel or demon could utter another word, they were returned to earth. The apocalypse had been avoided: well, there wasn’t to be one in the first place. No armies joined to fight against the heavens nor hell, Adam had come into his power yet used it to influence only the good, and both head angel and demon were nowhere to be seen. 

Satan had returned to hell and Adam stood between his angel and demon, their wings flapping gently in the breeze as they all comprehended what had happened. They stood in silence for awhile before Aziraphale approached Adam, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I feel as though there is more to this...” he muttered, his wings retracting casually.

“There was,” replied Adam calmly. “It’s gone now.”

“Fair enough kid,” Crowley smiled, taking his other shoulder in a harder grip. “Why don’t we get you home?”

“Nah, my real dad is just around the corner.”

And of course, he was right. His father, the supposed ambassador to America came to pick him and his friends up. The remained silent on the way home, Adam using the last of his energy on manipulating reality to get them ice cream. 

On the other end of things, both the angel and demon went home to find their belongings back at they were - Aziraphale’s bookshop untouched and Crowley’s Bentley unscathed. They smiled at their homes before making their way to the park. Together, they got ice-cream and sat over watching the ducks drifting in the pond, hands held tightly.

“Do you suppose something should have happened?” asked Crowley, squeezing his hand pleasantly tighter.

“I am unsure... God’s plans will forever remain ineffable.”


End file.
